Day 28/90: My Lungs are officially having a White Christmas & reflection for all

I went to the oncologist today and we had a quick catch up. The chest X-ray from the other day shows all the poor little lymphs in my lungs” full of cancer” his words not my dramatics, looks pretty Christmassy in a bizarre way. Had the usual great chat and there is life still there in those lungs for a while.

This introduces my reflection topic. I am aware that my approach to my death, some of the comments I may make, and the interactions I am having are seen by some as a little unusual. What I hope is that we reflect on my motives which are all grounded I think in common sense. At the end of the day it is as simple as I want a magnificent end for myself and my family in their participation in that inevitability. I want Elizabeth’s and Mitchell’s future to be the best it can be as quickly after I die as possible. Maybe we are pioneering a bit and I hope others test their views against what we are doing rather than judge am I doing death in the right way. For me  and my family I am. I also have become caught up in social and legal change in a far bigger way than I ever expected. Again this is now very personal and important. I don’t want to have such important opportunities, giving me such comfort, simply because I found a way to go through a special door. This door has to be one all Australians in circumstances of terminal illness and/or intolerable suffering have the keys to. May sound glib but it is now a marrow depth conviction.

Finally life should be about fun and a reason till the very very end. When all the benchmarks one measures normal life by changes then surely the rules are all up for challenge, reinvention and rewriting if appropriate.

Point of this is to touch a few nerves and hopefully move all of us on even further down this unusual shared story. If it was a rabbit burrow there would not be enough room for Alice, unless she was a Prime Minister!

Pain 0/10 Mental Health 10/10 Physical Health 7.5/10 Life Enjoyment 10/10

21 thoughts on “Day 28/90: My Lungs are officially having a White Christmas & reflection for all

  1. Not only do you have the right to die when you want but you have the right to express and say and feel whatever you need to give life the fullest go you possibly can right to the finish line. While confronting. Your candid views are a truly a gift to all of us now and in the future. Thank you for letting us share this journey with you and you family.
    Warm regards,

  2. Peter , you never cease to amaze me with your comments ! And your zest for life and love for your family during these hard times . Blessed sharing our similar journey together . Regards Tom

  3. I am always amazed by you, and the way you express yourself and your sense of humour. I wish I had the ability to do the same but alas no such luck. Keep strong Peter. Always thinking of you, Elizabeth and Mitchel.

  4. I have no doubt Shorty that you will stay with many of us for ever!
    You do, have and will continue to make a huge difference to people’s lives.

  5. I have been a reader since you started this blog. I’m a Dutch female immigrated to the USA in the hoop on better treatment for my illness. Unfortunately that has not materialized and I’m in a downwards spiral. My disease is Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, inflammation of the spinal cord and brain. It is very painful, your immune system shuts down and all kinds of nasty viral and bacterial infections take up house in your body. Doctors call it HIV- non-AIDS. It is the same as HIV but we don’t die from AIDS. I’m bedbound and need help with everything. There is no cure and the government isn’t interested in a new HIV like epidemic so they do nothing.The leading cause of dead is suicide.i have lost way too many friends this year.

    I just wanted to tell you that I have learned so much from you during these months! I admire your strength and will to go on.
    I live in Oregon, one of the few states with a dying in dignity act. Unfortunately it will not be able to help me even though I will be at the end of my rope, in excruciating pain 24/7 because the act is only applicable for people with a terminal illness. Since the government does not recognize my illness as such there will be no other option than suicide.
    Even though laws like this are into place not all who suffer beyond believe will be able to make use of it.
    I will follow and keep learning from you until your last blog.
    Sending you lots of strength and courage.
    Be well and many blessings.


    • Amazing, I am very sad for you in Oregon and still stuck! This is one of the most interesting comments and yet saddest at the same time I have had on my blog.
      Christine, let me assure you my last blog when it comes will have you in mind.

      • Oh my gosh, now you made me cry. Thank you Peter. it is such a stuggle and such a fight. As if being helpless, bedbound, isolated and lonely( strange, but many ‘friends’ disappear when you get ill) isn’t enough this crazy government treat us like criminals and drug addicts. I was active in advocacy for many years, fighting the government for recognition of the illness which is recognized by the World Health Organization but the US of A doesn’t need to look at an organization like the WHO. There are times lately that I so very much regret moving to the U.S.,truly in the hope of new treatment, leaving family behind. Now when things come to an end I miss them so much. I try to find something good in every day and really just live in this moment, there isn’t anything else.
        I bask myself in your happiness and the sunshine that you radiate of having your family and friends gathered around you. Thanks for answering me Peter, it lifted me up. I posted your petition on my Facebook page. I have quite a few Australian online friends that are really willing to pass it on.
        Be well and many blessings.


  6. Peter, I want to let you know that you have and do give me ( and many others) so much hope – positive energy – to deal with my personal journey in my life. Your posts have given me lots of smiles, too. It’s sad to know you are on this journey but always know that many many people hold you and your family close to their hearts. Your refusal to let apathy and brickwalls steer your journey into a differing tide to that which you and your family’s wishes desire is amazing.
    You and your story will impact and change the laws in this country.
    Wouldn’t it be great if we get a Prime Minister called Alice to make the change and actually care about people and not just photo ops – that being said perhaps I’ve fallen down that burrow!!!
    Thank you for sharing so much of your personal journey ……..the world is a better place for your existence and shall always be a better place because of you.

    You have lit the candle for change and we will not let your flame go out.
    Love and Light

  7. Keep on Posting Shorty. You are changing the DWD world and impacting many people and families with your journal and story telling. I am selfishly using it to share with with my kids about this bloke I used to work with and how his mental & physical strength, courage and resilience to do what he believes in and face the toughest of challenges is something to respect and treasure. Thanks mate – for those of us who know you we can see nothing strange about these posts and expect nothing less from you ! Take care and looking forward to your next update.

  8. I look forward to your posts everyday and I read them diligently. I respect your candidness, humour, determination and creativeness. I hope your end is as you planned and that someone else picks up your baton and continues towards your goal, DWD.

  9. Well done Peter, keep inspiring so many and hopefully soon the P.M. will wake up to the urgent call. So many tributes to you I fully endorse Margie’s words and many others.

  10. Peter, I have been following the blog for a while after some old Shell cronies made it known. Like others who have worked with you your approach to this does not surprise me at all. This particular reflection I thought was an excellent characterization of what you are trying to achieve for you and your family and very balanced as a result. Being Shorty of course you can’t resist taking up the bigger challenge and taking up voice for others in your situation and that remains one of your admirable qualities. Thanks for sharing.

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